If you are selling your home, you may be dreading telling the kids about the move.
Familiarity and routine are things that kids rely on. Moving from the home they are familiar with breaks their routine and can be very stressful for even the most relaxed kids. Add in changing schools and moving away from best friends, and you have a recipe for meltdowns and behavior problems.
How Tell the Kids about the Move
Telling the kids is going to be one of the more difficult things to do during the move and timing it can be even more difficult. You don’t want to do it the day before it happens, but you don’t want to do it six months prior either. If you are selling your home, you should break the news at least a couple of weeks before the real estate agent starts showing the property.
Set aside special time for breaking the news. You will want to have plenty of time for discussion and questions.
Keep yourself in a calm mood. Young children, especially, pick up on their parents’ moods. Even if you are not happy with the move, you need to keep that out of the conversation as much as possible.
How you break the new will depend on the age range of your kids. Smaller kids may not understand, so telling it as a story can be effective. Older kids will want more details. You should mention why the move is needed (new job, moving closer to family, etc.) Let them know where you are moving and the time frame.
Let the kids ask questions and answer them honestly. Your children are going to be going through a major transition. Lying or trying to hide difficult details will backfire later if the child figured out one or both parents lied.
Encourage the kids to express their emotions. Younger children often cannot put words to deep emotions. If a child needs to cry or gets angry, let it happen. Older kids, especially teenagers, may become openly defiant about the whole idea. That is perfectly normal. Just reassure as much as possible.
After the Conversation
You might think the worst part is over when you finish the conversation. However, it is only the beginning.
As the kids process the news, they are going to have new questions. Let them know they are welcome to ask as many questions as possible. They will also have emotions come up at odd times.
If possible, plan trips to your new home to let the kids become used to it. Of course, long distance moves make this difficult. However, even pictures or videos of their new home can help.
Try to keep to your normal schedule. As stated before, kids thrive on routine and familiarity. Keeping their eating, playing, napping and bedtime schedules as close to normal will help them with the transition. It will be their anchor in the storm.
In the End
Even if you have all the conversations and provide as much support as possible, you may find your child still has difficulties with the move.
All you can do is give the child time to make the adjustment. Some kids can transition within a week or two. Others may take months.
Selling your home is stressful on everyone in the family. Be prepared for having this critical conversation with your kids when appropriate. It will make everything go smoother.
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